Gay Ghosting

I know y'all do it, but it causes problems for some people.

All I wanted was to get you on the hook. Once I get that-- I'm satisfied and DONE.

Since most ghosts are white, ghosting shouldn’t be a problem for Matt D before they fade away. They’ll be perfect for dating or adding to Instagram WeHo squad photos. Must be an “8” or higher on a scale of 1-10 with minimal body fat to qualify. Sorry, no exceptions. Looks are everything and an image must be maintained. Personality or a soul are not required. Thank you for your cooperation.

Why gay ghosting? Is it worse than straight ghosting?

Some people are just pussies afraid of confrontation or closing a chapter by ending the relationship for good through action (like a break up talk or text). Is a guy who obviously ghosts you really worth the time and energy (like the energy who waste on them by paying so much attention to their lack of action)? Just be, like, "whatever" and move on. And don't think that, because someone did it to you in the past, you have the right to do it to others.

Sorry, (like the energy YOU waste on them ...)?

I would never ghost someone unless they did something really terrible to me, but then i guess that wouldn't really be the text book definition of ghosting.

If you have a Tinder date with someone, and don't text them back, whatever. Ghost away. But if you've known someone since 2012, and have been though a lot with them, to suddenly stop talking to them without explanation is evil and cowardly.

I had a friend who I knew for about 4 years, then suddenly ghosted me, no explanation. No response to texts or phone calls, or he will wait a week or longer. Unfriended on Facebook. I actually confronted him about that and he made us some fake excuse about unfriending everyone except his family and relatives. He said he was still keeping in touch with people on IG except we were not friended on IG. Ok sure, but then about a week later I saw him post on a mutual friends timeline.

What I discovered is that this is his pattern with all his friends. He goes from flower to flower sucking out the sweet part and when its done he just moves on without any thought or looking back. A mutual friend said he has been through 3 waves of friends since he knew him. This friend who knew him once told me "your flavor of the week". He warned me it would only last a couple of months but it lasted several years. He seems to always trying to reinvent himself and part of that is an entire new batch of friends.

I didn't think people were that shallow but apparently they are. Sometimes is nothing you have done.

It is a horrible and rude practice.

I say...thank you so much for the wonderful evening, I do not feel connected enough to move forward but that does not diminish you or the time we spent together in any way.

It speaks to the general disposability of human relationships these days. Why bother with real intimacy? There are 20 new dicks on Grindr to suck at any given moment!

r8, imo that's why I do not believe "til death do us part" marriage ever worked, because - by nature - we are fickle beings who expand in different directions than those close to us.

We create our own misery by holding on to old beliefs, relationships, and material goods that no longer suit us in our quest of personal growth. We create this hell of co-dependency that holds us back and makes us miserable, frustrated, resentful, angry, etc.

Ending a relationship, because you are in a different stage as your friend (like, say, you've become sober while your alcoholic drinking buddy is still drinking) isn't a bad thing. Ghosting someone is a shitty thing to do, though.

I'm glad I don't know R9. He's a user.

"the quest for personal growth" as if. Rationalization 101. If I've been bad, it was so I could GROW!

[quote] If I've been bad, it was so I could GROW!

Oh, please. Your codependency issues are showing, and they aren't pretty.

The guy in the video has absurd hair but great teeth

anyway, I agree with his rule. IMO if you reach out to someone or reply (and it's clear the conversation is not over) and they don't respond, give it a few hours, or even a day or 2 and try again. If they don't reply after that, do not try again. If you keep reaching out or replying to someone who is not responding, it makes you seem desperate and clingy. It is possible the person is going through some emergency or hardship but it's also possible he/she is just ghosting you. That other person will get back to you if he/she truly was temporarily unavailable.

I think most of us have been ghosted by someone we thought we had a mutual attraction to but that's life. I wouldn't do that to someone else though.

Maybe jiffy pop hair leads to extreme consequences ghosting

This is what you get for trying to cover up real emotions with drugs and meaningless sex.

[QUOTE]  This friend who knew him once told me "your flavor of the week".

Did he also tell you YOU'RE an illiterate moron? Or is he an idiot like you?

R17, how is the Drake situation a ghosting? I didn’t invite people from my childhood to my wedding either. Doesn’t mean I ghosted them. It just means we drifted apart.

I believe that if I see someone three or more times, it's only fair of me to say something if I'm not interested and don't want to meet again. I'd prefer to say I'm not feeling enough of a connection to meet up again. Sometimes I apologize, while it's uncomfortable for ten minutes, it's better and more respectful in the long run..

However, there are two guys I've ghosted. I just never called them back after we went out a few times. I'm not proud of my behavior, ashamed. in fact because I know better. The actions were cowardly and lazy and thoughtless.

I've been ghosted at least five times. Sometimes guys I've met suggested getting together again. Then I take the subway into Manhattan and they never show up or respond when I call to see if they're late. I think it's horrible to stand someone up, just as bad as ghosting. I don't think I'd ever stand anyone up. That's just mean and dismissive.

Ghosting isn't new. My best friend in the 80s used to ghost guys. I got ghosted once after a summer romance. But, you know, summer romances usually end with ghosting.

This fellow will not age well.

A good friend ghosted me in 2002. I still dream about him occasionally and I always wake up feeling so sad and mad. It’s a shitty way to start a day.

Don’t ghost your friends!!

I was ghosted by two college friends, a man and a woman who dated in college and eventually married. We were friends in college and had remained ( I thought) good friends for years after college. I would visit Jim or Susan with a group of my friends and mutual acquaintances about once a month. We'd catch a movie, hang out, go to the beach, eat out, go to the mall.

In 2006, I called her home chatted with her parents on a Thursday night before a long weekend. I asked to speak with Susan because a bunch of our friends were going on an overnight trip and I wanted to invite her. Susan's parents were uncomfortable and awkward avoiding the topic, but they eventually told me that Susan and Jim got married the Saturday before. They were on their honeymoon and were moving to Buffalo. Never heard from them again.

I don't think about them often, except when I hear about a college reunion or a dormitory reunion. Then I feel resentful, angry, mad and hurt all over again.

Yeah I got dumped by more than 1 college friend when they bought their own jets. There was never any class thing when it was their parents' jets. Adults get weird and stick to their own kind. Straight married people do indeed drop gays, as well, especially if there is a class difference.

r24

Any idea why you weren't invited to the wedding? Did Jim have lustful thoughts about you?

It’s gross and cowardly manners, behavior, and character. Full stop.

Standing someone up is worse than ghosting.

It used to be the worst thing was to cum in a guy's ass without permission, now it's just ghosting.

R29 Back in the 80's if a guy came in your ass, you could end up being the ghost.

R18, be kind to our friend from the Russian troll farm.

Thank you, [R6]. Believe it or not, what you said explains some fuckery I went through 13 years ago that to this day will upset me if I don't stop myself from thinking of it in time. It's actually tied up a loose end to a situation I've never found closure to until now.

What is the big deal? If someone does not care to speak to you, they don't have to speak to you. All the pearl clutching and the confrontation I read about in this thread tells me exactly why you people got ghosted in the first place.

There are real problems in the world and this is not one of them. Just ask the Darfur Orphan.

I hope that R33 gets ghosted by someone it cares about if it in fact cares about anybody.

Grow up, R34. Your nasty snarky approach is why your putative friends ghost you. Again and again.

Ghosting means hate. If someone was indifferent to you, he would still be polite. Ghosting means you got his number, saw behind the mask, and he didn't like that.

Ghosting means that he got your number, saw behind your mask, and ran for his life.

Hardly. A few people have ghosted me and all of them would be better off today if they hadn't.

Because you put a voodoo curse on them, R39?

Because you're clearly unpleasant and having you around for its own sake already seems untenable.

Just move on. No one owes you shit.

If somebody is sucking the energy out of you psychologically, trying to end a friendship or romance in person or over the phone will often accelerate the issue. I've run into old boyfriends who asked why I stopped calling them or returning their calls that if they couldn't figure it out, then that was on them. I had an abusive boyfriend who would cry and beg, and I knew it would be a return to the same destructive behavior as before. Sometimes people sneak into your life without warning through other friends and are trouble from the start. You can't get them away from your friends without seeming like a controlling, judgmental bitch, so sometimes it is just best to go your own way and only be around those friends when that person is not around (and hopefully does not show up.) Life is too hard to constantly deal with a Bad Luck Schledrock.

R41=antisocial gun owner.

Guys with that hair in OP, always look like they have bad breath!

She's the chosen party giver of the White House clientele. And you know that she'll deliver with what takes to make them gel.

I understand the expectation of reaping what you sow. We have only so much time

and to have put in effort only to have something disappear without explanation is harsh. And I’m sorry.

I’m just intelligent enough to know I qualify for some kind of grant for “bad nerves” and keeping a polite distance helps. Falling into relationships is stupid, but my dick tells me lies. And I pretend they’re true.

[Quote] I understand the expectation of reaping what you sow. We have only so much time

[Quote] and to have put in effort only to have something disappear without explanation is harsh. And I’m sorry.

[Quote] I’m just intelligent enough to know I qualify for some kind of grant for “bad nerves” and keeping a polite distance helps. Falling into relationships is stupid, but my dick tells me lies. And I pretend they’re true.

I wish you'd put more effort into writing clearly.

Jesus fucking christ; I lasted MONTHS without thinking of or having to see Dr. JiffyPop Hair, and now OP's thread rose from the DL shitpile.

Why? Why? Goddammit.

r49

Because Pretty Privilege will NOT be ignored.

Since you're so much in favor of ghosting, r9, you'll be happy to hear I "Ignored" you.

[Quote] Ghosting someone is a shitty thing to do, though.

[Quote] Since you're so much in favor of ghosting

Gay ghosting gives me the willies.

You don't know the half of it, Casper.

Life’s too short to stop looking for DLers in the wild.

I am ghosting any thread started about, or by?, this shellacked WeHo cringe muppet. #no shame #livingmybestlife

i can't stand this guy. makes me want to puke.

Depends on the ghosting.

I talk to guys online and then stop. I no longer and interested or get bored. That isn’t bad; I own you nothing.

If you meet in person, it is better not to ghost.

Ghosting is a painful form of rejection. The sexuality of gay men is now commercialised, and sold back to us as the"dream".

Random hook-ups, glory holes, orgies etc. that we are not enough, that we are not worth a monogamous, loving, rewarding relationship.

All of us have felt ostracised at some point, simply because we want to sleep with someone of the same sex. We have internalised and replicated this rejection, as forged it into a weapon to hurt ourselves and our potential partners.

Rejection, regardless of whether it's bitchy comments, ghosting or body fascism has become the weapon to both defend ourselves and attack each other. Give the pressures we face, as a permanent minority in any and every society, this is not surprising.

My dick also tells me lies, r47 lol.

Well put and insightful, Matt r60. I might call and schedule a session.

I think it's a little... manipulative to frame ghosting as a "gay issue."